Dam I dont know what I am doing...
Just standing in the room screeming at the top of my lungs, trying to be heard over the unnerving hell in my own head . Trying to be heard when no one lisens to the sound of a simple clue or a word of advice..why because I dont know how to say, think, do, or feel anything without someone telling me how to do it.because no one ever leasions to a thought of anything i say . its there thoughts first and theres alone ...

Unless its others way of thinking saying feeling and knowing.Traped in a word of no, and you can't and dont do that...like a dog who doest'n know any better then to just sit ...
why because I am the doormat for everyone to wip there ass on. to get the mud, dirt and shit off thier own ass,
then to be told I dont know how to live, think, speek, cry about, or feel. I am in need of someone to show me how to do this. I need to alow people to treat me like a doormat all my live and love it not asking for nothing in return for the love I send out.... through my own self-less-ness.... out of love for other people.... because i once know what love was about....I need a skimatick on breathing...from this hell of being...
Being stiffled as fair as one can be. then more so...... living in my own hell... in my head woundering ...why...With no one to hold me or respect me as a woman.
feeling so upset that now I dont care about nothing else but the pain that
constally fillsl my head...My own hell ...why.... I hate not being loved the way I use to. Feel the way love is sopose to feel... and be.. where you are thought of as a friend and confidont., where your thoughts and feeling are heard and thought of first,. where you play the "what if "game and then laugh about it ...where you sit in a park or where ever and just be...loved, felt, care, caring, hopeful, prased, prasing.....,woundering ...............................................will i ever know how to feel the way someone knows how to feel.